Saturday, June 16, 2012

Deep Breaths

Sometimes, that's what it takes.  Deep breaths.

I took my last final, of the semester, this morning.  I shook my professors hand, and thanked him.  Hopefully I didn't thank him for a fail.  For someone who specializes in numbers, I'd be disappointed to give you a "probability of that outcome."  Let's just say it's probably lower than losing to a vegas slot machine.  So I shook his hand, walked up the stairs, stepped outside, and took a deep breath.  It's out of my hands, now.  All bets are off.

At any rate, I've been a little busy, so it looks like I'm taking a vacation, for the first time in 18 months or so.  These past few months have been hectic - due to both circumstances of and beyond my control.  (Anyone who doesn't take, at least partial, responsibility for their own life is reckless, irresponsible and should not be trusted.)  The incident that I don't claim control of was my car accident.  I've been alive 30 years, and taken some chances, but I've never had an airbag go off in my face - till a month ago.  I keep joking about the number of life events I've either racked up, or plan to in the next year.  (Did anyone ever tell you how much houses are in coastal California?)  It seems that I've been going hard non-stop as a full time student (including summer school).  Tutoring my students (including summer school).  And, doing my damnedest to keep a textiles company from exploding either inward or outward.  Sorry I haven't written much!  What can I say?  In some ways, I just got a late start.  If you consider it differently, I'm right on time.  Again, it probably just depends on your perspective.

It's amazing how important perspective is.  That might sound like some sensitive-hippy talk, but even with a regard to physics, or econ.  Are you the fly, or the swatter?  The seller, or the buyer.  It all depends on YOUR perspective.  With as much negativity as I've seen lately - from people driving on the street, bumper stickers, internet shenanigans to Facebook - I just don't understand what perspective they're operating from.

For instance, I was in a Target store, yesterday.  As a capitalist, that place already scares me.  Nevertheless, I find myself there, with my son.  Now, he's a little guy (two going on twelve), but he's past the carrying stage.  So we're walking through the store - He and I.  We cruise through the store like this, he behind I, and soon we're on our way out.  He's walking behind me, and a little out to the side, but close.  A woman in her 30s or 40s is coming towards us, on our side of the aisle, to avoid a cart.  She sees me, and takes appropriate action.  She sees him, and nearly takes him out.  Are you kidding me?  She's in such a hurry to get into the housewares section of target that she's willing to mow down my toddler son?  I can't imagine what perspective she's operating from, but I feel bad for her.  Not because I have any empathy for her perceived situation, but for her unperceived situation - that her life contains that little happiness.

To be frank, the same goes for some of my digital friends.  In physical relationships, I guess we can just choose to not visit certain friends as often as others (CLICKS HIDE).  Either way, when I get cut off at an on/off ramp, get treated rude, hear my friends complaining about makes me thankful.  Thankful that everyday I can deal with their crap, is another day I work up breathing.  Everyday that I can shovel bull sh!t, is another day I have the power to wake up and live my life as I see fit.  Them too, apparently, but I guess it goes unnoticed.  So this is for all of you who go hard day in and day out with a smile on your face.  It takes much more bravery than being a negative jerk.